everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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