Porn is love you can see.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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