haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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