Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
