My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
