My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
