he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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