he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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