Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
