Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
