It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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