can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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