Sry I called you an 8
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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