I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
