Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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