Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
