This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We named our party play list daddy issues
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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