The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
