i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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