I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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