....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
