Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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