As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
