a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
