Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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