a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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