Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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