My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
