My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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