She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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