I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it's like iHOP with fire
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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