look no pants
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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