Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
