I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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