he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
