I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
