Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
