Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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