If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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