Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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