We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
