Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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