i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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