then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
