I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
