his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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