Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
