Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
