I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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