hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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