I think i peed on brittanys purse
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
