I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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