I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
