i permit you to call me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
