Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
