my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
