Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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