Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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