i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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