I want to have your abortion
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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