I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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