I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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