I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I need moral support for this bender
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
