Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
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Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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