What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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