You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
