Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
either way he was missing a nipple.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
