GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
