Pants 0. Shit 1.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
be right there i have to get my cape
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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